.. and it's is different, this time around. He is absolutely drowning all thoughts of you-know-who within me (actually, I had thoughts I havent had for more than 6 years.. or.. ever.. when I think about him).
Which is great. Its a strange time for me anyways. Like much is turning around.. in strange ways.
p.s. for whoever sent me the Crystal visualization two days ago.. I felt it- it was pleasant. :)
Thank You.
p.p.s.: a day later: I'd be very happy if I was immune to love though. Unless I find an equal, things are just unnecessarily time-consuming- and roughen me up instead of strengthen me. This guy I like.. who can tell what he is like, really, when his whole behaviour is influenced by a Country and a Lifestyle that are toxic.
On a different note.. my uncle in the ministry of defense "lives" just opposite the Fitness where I Train (rarely as yet). I went to his Office again yesterday to have coffee and a Chat with him. I realized how I find more and more Austrians scary as fuck.. especially those voting for the right wing. (he is middlish-conservative, but the army has always had a tendency towards the right in Austria.. and now ist extreme left vs. extreme right.. guess who he is going to vote for) The right wing has changed now.. they're hiding their hate and their anger and pretend to be well-scrubbed, social members of Society despite using political wording that makes you wanna puke (Ive seen this before and I wont Forget what I experienced, trust me).
My uncle was using some of this type of wording to describe the Green candidate (well, yes, it IS a voting for extremes this time around.. not happy about it either and thinking maybe I wont vote at all tomorrow) that wasnt good in my mind. I navigate in between the lines (good-bad, right-left, rich-poor), and it is becoming extremely painful here. I've seen enough. More than I want to know. Someone get me out- or away from all this pain. I am being torn, all this HATE kills me, and I just want O.U.T.
I cant stand People anymore. Here, at least. Uni is bearable because the People are really, really nice and all try their best and collaborate. I was thinking yesterday.. if I fall in love for real this time around.. let the guy be willing to relocate with me. (Or, ind me another solution that works well enough to Keep me in a bubble away from all this)
The main reason I have been communicating so much with my uncle recently is that I really wanted to dig deeper. I dig deep into all of them.. and hope to find light. I rarely do. In effect, my gran is the only one in the whole Family who has some light. Maybe my sibblings too.. havent seen them for Long so I wouldn't be able to tell. I still look for.. kin in them. But its hopeless, and maybe I should do like P., and stuff myself with work again. It worked well at uni during my Business studies. I was really, really busy. I was happy. I did charity, I worked, I studied.. my days were filled with joy- for most of the part. Not some wild joy, but I was happy and satisfied. A Little less stress maybe now that I am older.. and working towards my Goal. OR a mutual Goal. OR co-working on Goals. Would be exciting.
Without anyone telling me:" you cant do this."- because when I've heard that, it's always been an attempt of the guy to Keep me small enough to "handle". Thats another Thing that sickens me.