was the only guy encountered in-between that could have been an alternative to R. I still wonder how somebody could have managed to intensify even my strong perception and love of human shapes, and build, up to such a level.
For me, he was a walking miracle. When we weren't fighting. The hair line going down to his crotch, the hair in his armpits, his cheekbones, his glowing skin. I never thought I could be moved so much by another person, in this way. I never thought I could find something like a bit of hair attractive. He doesn't like to hear it, but he indeed looked like the young Egon Schiele. totally different kind of person, though.
The burnout fucked heavily with my personality. I never had any negative, inherited relationship patterns coming up in my actual relationships- other than the general disease humanity suffers from: superficialty. Mild versions of it. But Ernest, unfortunately (which showed me how far my mind had come from its usual, clean perception), was like my late Nazi grandfather, my father and my other grandfather rolled into one. Jesus. Enough issues to kill an elephant with.
We did well, though- since I must have triggered something in him, too. :D..We're both still alive.
And I spent nights next to him, doing energy-work. Instinctively. He is right to take his new life and run..^^..If he didn't, if he wouldn't try to get happy now..I'd feel like the job hadn't been successful. :)
For me, he was a walking miracle. When we weren't fighting. The hair line going down to his crotch, the hair in his armpits, his cheekbones, his glowing skin. I never thought I could be moved so much by another person, in this way. I never thought I could find something like a bit of hair attractive. He doesn't like to hear it, but he indeed looked like the young Egon Schiele. totally different kind of person, though.
The burnout fucked heavily with my personality. I never had any negative, inherited relationship patterns coming up in my actual relationships- other than the general disease humanity suffers from: superficialty. Mild versions of it. But Ernest, unfortunately (which showed me how far my mind had come from its usual, clean perception), was like my late Nazi grandfather, my father and my other grandfather rolled into one. Jesus. Enough issues to kill an elephant with.
We did well, though- since I must have triggered something in him, too. :D..We're both still alive.
And I spent nights next to him, doing energy-work. Instinctively. He is right to take his new life and run..^^..If he didn't, if he wouldn't try to get happy now..I'd feel like the job hadn't been successful. :)
