..has always be my favourite way to learn. As a child, having a grand aunt who was a tailor with her own studio, it came in handy. What made me stand out from the rest of the children, was, that despite loosing myself in the game I remember thinking- even at 7 or 8 years of age- that this was a remarkable kind of dressing up. I saw dressing up as ROLES, not reality. Slipping in and out of it, a dress rehearsal on stage. Nothing more.
Nevermind that I had realized as early as three that this world wasn't gonna accommodate me the way I needed it, and shut myself off, that did not stop me from enjoying the ride. As a spectator- at the same time, I played my role (yet, progressively, I made sure I got what I needed, and slowly grew into my own skin). I have come back to it recently.. this is why C. said: "All of us are playing a role, but you somehow don't. Or, well, you DO- but it's different." (I had to put on a mask for once to protect me as long as I am still here)
That was one of his remarkable observations, and they made me believe for a while that it could be true love.
Masks.. it was quite early on in life that I observed it is one of humanity's biggest problems.. if masks would fall, life would become easier. More security, and honesty. You'd know exactly where u're at.
It pains me that even though my recent friendships are fulfilling and inspiring, as Nelly rightly observed: "I do not know anything about you, really."
One day, I promise, as it pains me as well, I am going to tell the whole story of what happened and how in the past three years. I will. Just for now, I am being as honest as I can here.. and it is all true. It is just.. only a spectre of what is going on in my life.:)
All I can say is.. it made me feel like Courtney Love at times :"I fake it so real I am beyond fake..", and yet I was being real. At least, within a certain framework my subconscious and conscious both had created. I once linked up to a fantastic paper on Trauma and spirituality.. that guy got really, really close to the truth. Even though it IS a risky game to play, being "Me".
Nevermind that I had realized as early as three that this world wasn't gonna accommodate me the way I needed it, and shut myself off, that did not stop me from enjoying the ride. As a spectator- at the same time, I played my role (yet, progressively, I made sure I got what I needed, and slowly grew into my own skin). I have come back to it recently.. this is why C. said: "All of us are playing a role, but you somehow don't. Or, well, you DO- but it's different." (I had to put on a mask for once to protect me as long as I am still here)
That was one of his remarkable observations, and they made me believe for a while that it could be true love.
Masks.. it was quite early on in life that I observed it is one of humanity's biggest problems.. if masks would fall, life would become easier. More security, and honesty. You'd know exactly where u're at.
It pains me that even though my recent friendships are fulfilling and inspiring, as Nelly rightly observed: "I do not know anything about you, really."
One day, I promise, as it pains me as well, I am going to tell the whole story of what happened and how in the past three years. I will. Just for now, I am being as honest as I can here.. and it is all true. It is just.. only a spectre of what is going on in my life.:)
All I can say is.. it made me feel like Courtney Love at times :"I fake it so real I am beyond fake..", and yet I was being real. At least, within a certain framework my subconscious and conscious both had created. I once linked up to a fantastic paper on Trauma and spirituality.. that guy got really, really close to the truth. Even though it IS a risky game to play, being "Me".
