I was basically raised and educated by my grandmother. And maybe it was her natural, strong, witchy skills, or her Hungarian-Croatian-Gypsy-Austrian heritage. We don't know. But I swear, energetically, my gran was a black woman. I cannot find another way to describe it. She had bottomline strength that was bold, earthy, strong and she had sass.
Some traits that I recognised, both as an ENFJ "Feeler", and intellectually, in many black women I have met over the years. I am a bit more soft, but I've always had black girlfriends, and yes there is also shy black girls and ofc so many different cultural backgrounds.
But there is a FEELING, when I had a friend of Cameroon sleep over once, that IS black earth, that IS the dry warm soil underneath that I dreamed of all night. That is strength.. it is hard to describe- that for me is Africa(n) in it's core. I hope I don't offend anyone with this description.
So my gran had some of that. And I just love it. So I seek it, because Europe can be so.. cold, and ephemeral at times.
Anyhow I once had an intern- the smartest, or one of the very smartest, women I ever met. She needed no instructions, she just taught herself everything. And went beyond that. And the rare times we still communicate, she answers me back with the most perfect answer- I feel like she understands me in my core. She is black, and probably has the most different cultural background- yet I have never been a real Austrian, and I doubt she has ever been whatever they expected of her.
I feel like I can breathe for those short moments, like all I am is right the way it is. And she doesn't get that she is different. Like I didn't for so long- a common thing when you're really lit and intelligent. It is unfortunate, because this way you won't ever understand why you get so much hate thrown your way. Like I didn't, back then. Sometimes I wish I had understood it. My gran tried to tell me, but she was older, and you don't really know until you know.
So I wish I had a guy that makes me feel like she does- or he had that as one of his traits.
One small thing: she sent me a Samantha meme. I was never a SATC fan, but had I had to choose, I would have chosen Samantha any time. Mind me, I was a Charlotte, lifestyle-wise, but in the core always was and always will be Samantha. And: she has a good heart! Which isn't obvious, but it's there.
So, yes, Djeneba please, in male form, and add a few more soothing traits that do me good. I have had enough drama in my life, for good.
