Sunday, 20 August 2017

Echo and me..

.. parted ways. I have too many issues of my own right now and thus cannot handle anyone with so many issues of their own.

Also, we were too different. The older I get the more I enjoy spending time with people who are as "boring" as I am. Its a real shame because performing-wise something COULD have come out of this.

I got a keyboard instead and will learn to play. Time to get the music out of my system.

My health has been aggravating.. despite a histamine low diet. There seems to be another issue there we cannot pinpoint as yet (EDS or another comorbidity that could maybe explain my high inflammation and bad liver values). Thank god that I have found one doctor who takes care of me when I need it.

I joined Echos Aspie group for a night and they wanted to adopt me.. it is true that half of me enjoyed the time.. and half of me is like them.. very direct and logic-oriented. Yet the other one isnt. I share none of their social issues- and my "special interest" has evolved into a very concrete idea that I actually try to materialize.

It seems that, again, I am neither fish nor meat there. Well my whole family is a mix-up of right and left wing, rich and poor, gifted and normal.. which isnt bad when youre heading for a position where you'd have to balance things between different stakeholders or interests sooner or later.

We'll see. Also.. a friend of mine I added in 2013 has become really famous. World-famous. :) She is an engineer and the first one I revealed my tech-music-psych idea to. AND SHE LOVED IT. The girl is one of the most promising engineering talent on the planet right now.

Originally from aeronautical engineering, will link her her up with Jim Cantrell from SpaceX and a couple of other people in my network. She reminds me of my younger self so much.. she is wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful. We might do something together. It's high time for a new project.

Talking of which. I bought a new domain 2 or 3 months ago and it might turn into a business.

I am seeing the creep from the jobcenter tomorrow.. he has to understand that I will need a year instead of the usual half a year given to fully healthy people to found my company. It's not perfect, but it might generate a solid income stream to fund my other interests and projects.

One of which is the- very important- hybrid idea that could help people evolve. At least on a symbolical level. I have no interest turning that into a consumer product.

So far.

Thursday, 13 July 2017

Ehlers Danlos, hypermobile type (III)

My doctor didnt even know how to spell it.. I found out I have it all by myself, which, in a case of hypermobile, is not too hard to diagnose. THAT and I fulfill all the comorbidity criteriae (mast cell activation syndrome being one of them).

And, YES I AM FAT RIGHT NOW. (certainly not a Yogini.. but that flexibility is harmless compared to the yoga poses I was able to do as a child.. and my rubber skin back then (which I used to impress the boys with..) )

New Stuff.

I applied for a Tv show, no matter my current shape. I spent some time with Schäfchen (Little Sheep) and a lot of time with Echo going to Makerlabs, and doing girls stuff. I am now a good 15-20 kilos overweight.

Initially when I started taking Daosin I lost weight, but lately I have gained weight again which is a bit strange. I have managed to start doing sports again, even though it seemed impossible.. and I make baby steps, but ok.. starting from scratch yeat another time. DONT WE LOVE IT.

This is Schäfchen, playing with her sheep backpack. :)

Echo likes to stay off the radar- which is something I understand really well. Too many bad experiences with people here.

Wynonna Earp.

TOTALLY addicted to this series. <3 p="">

Sunday, 2 July 2017


.. nothing spectacular so far. I am waiting for my Money for another month I guess, trying to survive on 500 with 400 being my rent.. but such is the Efficiency of the Austrian social security System.

I LOST the case against the landlord/landlady, they had the better lawyers and found a Special Paragraph for the house that allows them to Charge as much rent as they want. That isnt going to save them from their bad karma.. which is going to be all the worse then I guess.

I tried to date some Austrian "men".. JESUS. No further comment. Dominant, or, rather pseudo-dominant peasants (their dominance hiding their low self esteem) who take their Frustration out on others, or, on the other side, wimps. Both isnt for me. I ache for a real man with culture and brains. Soft or strong, either way.. but a REAL man. There is one on the horizon, but it's complicated.

Other than that.. I read a lot, I sleep a lot-- I cannot heal or get better without Money.

Saturday, 17 June 2017


And I forgot to mention the Android in Dark Matter.. she is SO cute and her behaviour reminds me of some of mine.. trying out new Things. She probably has a fanbase among the Aspergers. Lol.


The guy I loved for the past year really fucked with me badly.. one more of those idiots.

He also helped me overcome Raphael, so unless I hear he is fucking some of his students, he will be fine.

I am happy with things so far as much as daily life is concerned.. I sew and build and read whenever I find some energy. I have also found ways to stabilize my health (as much as that is possible) but they are costly.. so it will take.

It is very handy that in case of a chronic illness one can claim part of his or her inheritance prematurely here. :) A friend of mine who actually loves her parents told me this. So FINALLY the guilty ones will pay. Literally. And Money is the only Thing that gets to them.. so be it.

(As for the enjoyable parts of my life.. they exist.. like new friendships and my new flat.. but I have learned not to elaborate on those in this blog.) 


This year I will have my revenge on EVERYBODY I can get my hands on who tried to compromise my innocence and my love within the past few years.

So aside of health stuff there will be many things to be handled with the help of lawyers.

.. and it is handy my insurance will pay for the major part of it. :)

I also find I really take pleasure in some of the gay couple in Fantasy series.. Freya and her werewoolf girlfriend in The Originals, and Magnus and Alec in Shadowhunters. :) They are SO cute together..^^.. it is wonderful to watch. Great actors, anyways.

I learn a lot.. still cannot sing or afford proper lessons.. but by strategy changes and evolves. There WILL be a solution and a way to live my dreams, and I WILL be happy going this.


Monday, 5 June 2017

Diets and Episodes and genomes.

Now.. within the past few weeks we have found out that having overly flexible Skin and Joints is a disease (EDS). That and obviously being a Little Aspergers (my Version: premature intellectual development, being very direct (not so much anymore), and hesitant to adhere to some hurtful and plain stupid social rules, like not taking part in gossiping and idiocy when exspected) is a disability.

Which makes me freakier any day. It's like your whole world turns around at short notice. We know know I have MCAS, EDS, and POTS. Fancy. Possibly Fibromyalgia, but to be honest the Symptoms overlap with MCAS so.. not sure on that one.

The ONLY (yes, only, Austria IS actually that backwards in this Domain as well) place for medical genetics here is luckily run by a German. Who was the first one that listened to me and told me how to REDUCE costs when looking into genetic mutations that might cause all of the above. None of the Austrian doctors would do this.. and they all know I am on benefits.

I am not fully into the subject matter as yet, which is hard to do because it is complex and I have had brain fog for a LONG time now.. but I will start collecting as much evidence as I can and do a specialized test then.

So far we have DAO and Tryptasis being abnormal, bones and Organs so far are ok (at least as much as Scans are concerned), a Gastritis, the EDS is obvious, I have bad liver values on and off, I lacked a lot of Vitamins which were taking care of (NOT a result of bad Nutrition, but most likely a result of malabsorption and leaky gut)- Tests for leaky gut and genes are to follow.

I will have extra costs of around 500 Euros just for that.. specialized nutritionists who will take you through a comprehensive process for 3 months plus will cost an additional 1.600 or more.. that is the US or AU Version of Things. And to be recommended because it IS a very complex process.

And in my case it would be recommended, since we want to rule out all Problem factors for the future.

I had another "making my peace with the world" Moment yesterday. It IS weird. I tried to rule out what causes it but I cant.

It must have something to do with the applejuice. I have a juicer, and once I start making freshly squeezed apple juice I want more. I do not think it is the freshly squeezed juice, I think it is the industrial one, because I bought apple juice in bulk with a voucher last month. A famous brand, it LOOKS like there is nothing in it but apple juice, but I feel so sick afterwards it is not good.

Maybe it is the fruit sugar, too (or the Tulsi-Moringa-Barley Grass mixture I add to the fresh apple juice sometimes..even though all three are supposed to be anti-histaminic) . We have ruled out fruit sugar allergy via the usual blood Tests BUT a breath test is said to be better  and more conclusive.

In any case I get so weak at times now I just curl up in bed and feel like I am going to die. It isnt painful.. and much of it is like in deep Meditation. But it just FEELS like life leaves my Body and I exspect my breath to stop anytime. It just feels wrong and I cannot describe it.

Someone quite reknowned in Paleo Nutrition has offered his help on LinkedIn, but I dont like his energy. Also, ketogenic would be much better according to a lot of sources, but it is questionable whether I can do it or not in my shape. I HAVE dropped one clothes size since I started taking Daosin and watch out for histamine high Foods, but I am still about 10 Kilos overweight and I HATE not being fit anymore.. and too tired to do anything.

Fitness is on top of my list for the next 2 weeks. As soon as I have taught myself to drill holes and fix my lamps and hooks this Comes next. I just cant live in a chaotic Environment, and I am too poor to have an electrician come in and do Things for me. That and the Ikea kitchen Needs to be assembled. Sigh.