Heavy Cross.

Already a classic. I wish I had a band like that, but this is illusionary here in Austria. While I was threatened by homelessness a second time, my famous cousin was "on holiday", other people "were out shopping/driving around with the parents/could not be bothered".

Which reminds me I just read Puma Sports is planning a cradle to cradle collection. When I suggested to Gifi Fields (the London Fashion Mogul and former Andy Warhol circle member) when a possible job at his company was topic that I could design an organic cotton collection for and with him, he stared at me like: "is she crazy?". That was last year. Now obviously I wasnt FUTURISTIC ENOUGH that day. Though it seems that everyone seems to keep ignoring me. Well.

Mental Footnotes for Today:

DO NOT try to make it over and over again in a country full of bloodsuckers and self-pitying peasants. It will just kill you.

DO NOT try to communicate a life lived the pennine way to people who have never even strayed from what they are told to do.

DO NOT be innovative, visionary, creative. People like their life the way it is (at least, here).

Good Luck with that. As F. said today, when I asked him what he would say to the Little Leonardos of the Future (if indeed there is one): Change requires a revolution.
...

Homeless last summer/autumn.

..I decided to take a photo of it before I'll bin it. "Obdachlos" means homeless in German. And they did everything to keep it that way..as they cannot make money off independent folk within their system.

Two Millionaires.

The first one, young and achingly beautiful, broke my heart because I dared not to fall for him at first sight. That is how I eventually ended up homeless and broke, despite trying with all my might to escape my burnout.

Anyone who HAS ever been homeless won't put that down easily. It is hell- especially as a woman. But hell doesnt stop here. How cynical that, that among the questions asked by T.V. (considering the fact I was just out of rehab and had serious respiratory and energy and what have you not problems) was like: "oh, so..you had a burnout.but its OVER NOW, right?"- as if a burnout would be gone within a second. As if I'd be using the social system I have paid into by the way for FUN. Such a question can only be asked by a total ignorant person that has never experienced a similar situation.

The second millionaire was a sponsor- Antonio. I thought we had reconciled (see prior posts) but he actually took his chance to fool with me (and that isn't funny in my situation..) and take revenge for having DARED to tell him that I wasnt up for a relationship, only for a friendship. I know you rich folk are used to buy meat by the pound..and this world-view, like everything else in your life, will yield serious karma. It also- like it or not- is the major thing that makes it impossible for rich guys to find love. NOT the money diggers..their own superficialty and greed. No wonder prostitutes and rich men are often to be met in the same places.

What I am personally paying for I dont know. it took me more than ten years of dating to actually learn to phrase a "no" in a direct, head-on way. Without seriously hurting the other- and that has always been important for me. He ignored it first time, so I was a bit more direct than usual maybe, even..just to let him see that he could not handle me if we lived together.

a very unprofessional and immature reaction. My friends were going: "What a psycho--". Well. After the last months experiences here I cannot see any good in people anymore- which is seriously threatening my soul and my work for V.

Also, last week I had a stalker..he couldn't take a no either..the second one within three months and two dates. Makes for a funny 100%. As IF I had nerves for any kind of relationship right now. I just want my peace.