..was mad. I had a lot of sex (positive), and was exposed to a lot of pot fumes (negative)..the latter do my head in. I dont smoke, which any of my friends/readers should have noticed by now. I am totally straight. But then it happens, that you might get into a relationship of sorts with somebody who does.
And even passively consuming it gives me stomach cramps and headaches..I am really very sensitive to all kinds of alien substances, inclusive all kinds of medicine. They once gave me a light dormicum (sedative) at the hospital while performing a gastroscopy..I passed out immediately, but woke up after three minutes. It took all three nurses/staff to hold me down, as I completely panicked with that tube inside of me..and started to hit things around me being utterly confused and out of my mind..then I passed out again and didnt regain my senses properly until two days after..which isnt the normal reaction. It should sedate you for like 2 hours, and then the body is supposed to be fit again..mine wasnt quite.
That is ONE reason why drugs arent quite for me- they wouldn't work, or would work the wrong way. The second is..I dont want to have anything alien and mind-altering I cannot control inside of me..a ghastly idea. I am an empath, and very creative..I just dont NEED them. Thirdly, I watch people and see homes that are "infected" with substances..and as much as people think theyre so great and rebels when they're taking shit..u're not. It makes proper slaves out of them..and I would like to show a photo here of my new boyfriends flat- before I cleaned it, and after..it took me 7 hours just to put it back into an orderly state. We're not talking clean here- were talking "being able to walk through it without falling over stuff".
After two full days of cleaning it is still not clean, but reasonable. I will keep the photos for my own sake. He is a great guy, incredibly gifted..but hopeless being an Austrian boy who has been trained to think "rationally"- the Austrian way.
If I was him..I'd pack my stuff and equipment, quit my job as a technician for the Austrian rail- start looking for a job in America..relocate, work hard, and get famous within a couple of years. His english is reasonable, even though I get pissed off by the fact that he thinks he can explain life to me. Life outside of Austria- where he's never been himself. Sure. I am almost 10 years older than he is..though, as I say..he is bright, he is gifted, he is a good guy, and has a good, solid job here..he needs structure, though. His flat is nice, and its a shame he didnt take care of it for so long. That has been taken care of now. :)))The rest isn't my job.
I cannot help it..I am a virgo. Cleanliness and structure (and certain work ethics) are ingrained in me. I have strong feelings for him, which really puzzles me. Normally, I would have left already, but whenever he starts playing music, my spirit just lifts off..the first night, he played the moonlight sonata to me. His eyes are the strongest, and most soulful I have seen for quite some time..and I have missed the soul here. At least they speak to me. We are both extremely strong characters..and quite different..so we are both not really exspecting it to last, I guess. We discussed moving in together, too- for a couple of months. Let's see.
Since the soul is what holds this together..I am not sad at all if this might one day end on the material plane. The soul is forever. :)
...
