..memories, I miss Ernest and suffer like a pig. Or maybe someone like him, that gives me something of value to share. I am just tired of giving and giving and seeing little to no return (recent exceptions of the rule apply).
The good news is I gained some neurobiological revelations today. :) ..and I found a description of symptoms in that very same book that sounded just like me. I am a female with male depression symptoms (meaning not the "quietly suffering" type, more an outward, aggressive-avoiding type of suffering). Not so unlikely, that..I am an HSP grown up amongst men who have it, and with almost only males to look up to and learn from (until I realized there wasn't much to learn from them but negative stuff). Reassuring, but..well- what the heck does it matter what problem or disease it is..
..in the long run..whatever came first, trauma or burnout or depression..Raphael or mobbing or the university feuds or the Rotary incident or the homelessness or the incident in Ireland..anything bad that happened..
I am stuck in a country I loathe and hate beyond most peoples imagination. A country that does not understand or respect or cherish anything I am, and I am making a complete fool out of myself with what I do. And I know it. This is just not the time Or the place..and I have always hated Austria. I never felt part of it, I know I belong someplace else where my talents, input and personality are welcome.. and I need something that resembles life before I turn 80, and realize I have only worked, and never lived.
The good news is I gained some neurobiological revelations today. :) ..and I found a description of symptoms in that very same book that sounded just like me. I am a female with male depression symptoms (meaning not the "quietly suffering" type, more an outward, aggressive-avoiding type of suffering). Not so unlikely, that..I am an HSP grown up amongst men who have it, and with almost only males to look up to and learn from (until I realized there wasn't much to learn from them but negative stuff). Reassuring, but..well- what the heck does it matter what problem or disease it is..
..in the long run..whatever came first, trauma or burnout or depression..Raphael or mobbing or the university feuds or the Rotary incident or the homelessness or the incident in Ireland..anything bad that happened..
I am stuck in a country I loathe and hate beyond most peoples imagination. A country that does not understand or respect or cherish anything I am, and I am making a complete fool out of myself with what I do. And I know it. This is just not the time Or the place..and I have always hated Austria. I never felt part of it, I know I belong someplace else where my talents, input and personality are welcome.. and I need something that resembles life before I turn 80, and realize I have only worked, and never lived.
