People hate me for being a wise-cracker, sometimes. I won't change that. :)
When I was three years old, I withdrew, shutting major chunks of my personality off. The surroundings I was born into might have been perfect on the outside, but just as destructive viewed from the inside. Nothing I WAS was allowed to be..or only allowed to exist in very restricted ways.
I know what I am talking about when I am talking about the necessity to keep awake and try to change the place for a better. I know what an Eros Thanatos obsession is like, but I do have a strong love for life inside of me that won, eventually. :) Although it IS everyone's own choice.
This planet/place, especially for gifted people, is VERY boring, slow and well..retarded in the word-sense. It can get so boring and unnecessarily difficult (not to add: painful, especially when u're ill or have been seriously hurt) that death is a valid way out. Or seems to be. I prefer LIFE. Why? The fraction of a chance that there might be some adventure to live at some point along the road..and there are many. Loads of..but noone teaches you to dream, and to visualize- usually. I won't get into the schemes and the reasons for it now. I'll tell the story.
I went to a photoshoot a couple of days ago- to use a voucher that would expire soon. The makeup stylist was interesting. She felt different than the others. a black lady- or so I thought. Turned out she is Egyptian-Muslim. Looking like 27, she is actually 10 years older with two small kids. :)
I had taken the cab, all in combat suit with freaky makeup..and the other staff instantly "liked me"- in a very superficial manner. She was sceptical, at first (god- I LOVE it when people have a mind of their own..^^..).
She eyed me, then decided I was friendly, then finished up my makeup. As I gradually grew in people's perception- the others increasingly found me strange (well..I am not the party girl type..and content IS scary, isn't it..^^..), but our conversation deepened. We had a conversation on Lady Gaga (the pro's and con's..unbelieveably, I was defending her (ways)..), the fact that Austria isn't the best place for music, and she told me the photo studio belonged to her husband. :)
At some point in-between in another room, as I was waiting for the shooting to start, and in the hallway, she told me her father had apologized to her and her brother for having "educated and made them be too good for this world". She meant: if you are good and have values, you'll get exploited and very often mis-treated big time. Partly True. I wont elaborate on that further, but it saddened me to hear that.
The second thing that happened, was..now I am used to people telling me pretty much all of their secrets. Why? I am real. I am interested in people. They feel instinctively that I won't judge them. At least not in the usual ways. All of a sudden she came up to me and said, in the hallway.."you know that this planet bores me relentless? It is just such a void place..and I have Hepatitis C and my liver is half-eaten by now, so I am just waiting on death, basically."- which made me feel like wanting to throw up.
She had been 14, and got caught in a car accident. She still has a scar on her upper lip from that, possibly more. They had given her blood transfusions, one or more of which had been infected. They found out many years later, when she was pregnant with her second child (the first child din't catch it- neither did her second one). I can understand, though not relate, to her feelings and thoughts.
Later on she told me: "you know, I have this homepage that I've wanted to do crazy makeups for..but I make up 20 people a day and noone ever has any interesting makeup exspectations..if you ever need something, give me a call. I can do stuff/photos for you for free in exchange for showing them on my page." :)
I wrote her an sms the next day, with some (potent) healer's adresses that might be able to tackle even an extreme case, health-wise. And, stating that from what I felt, she is a very gifted person. She definitely felt way above average intelligence-wise, also had some strong spiritual trait to her personality, extremely strong morals, high creativity..well. I wished I could do more. But maybe- and she is (basic) telepathic as well..as I can feel her in my head..that is good enough for a start. Even if we won't collaborate (I will have everything I need soon anyways..so one way or the other I don't care..), these special moments when people are sort of bursting in front of you..usually mark a change of something. Of attitude, of thought. I cannot blame her for feeling lifeless, and void, in her state, in the state we are ALL in, somehow. We could be gods..we could be everything and all. We are fast BEHIND our development.
And I hope, whatever happens, she will find and attract cool people to hang out with and to do crazy stuff for. :) And something that makes her happy. Some serious physical healing as well.
When I was three years old, I withdrew, shutting major chunks of my personality off. The surroundings I was born into might have been perfect on the outside, but just as destructive viewed from the inside. Nothing I WAS was allowed to be..or only allowed to exist in very restricted ways.
I know what I am talking about when I am talking about the necessity to keep awake and try to change the place for a better. I know what an Eros Thanatos obsession is like, but I do have a strong love for life inside of me that won, eventually. :) Although it IS everyone's own choice.
This planet/place, especially for gifted people, is VERY boring, slow and well..retarded in the word-sense. It can get so boring and unnecessarily difficult (not to add: painful, especially when u're ill or have been seriously hurt) that death is a valid way out. Or seems to be. I prefer LIFE. Why? The fraction of a chance that there might be some adventure to live at some point along the road..and there are many. Loads of..but noone teaches you to dream, and to visualize- usually. I won't get into the schemes and the reasons for it now. I'll tell the story.
I went to a photoshoot a couple of days ago- to use a voucher that would expire soon. The makeup stylist was interesting. She felt different than the others. a black lady- or so I thought. Turned out she is Egyptian-Muslim. Looking like 27, she is actually 10 years older with two small kids. :)
I had taken the cab, all in combat suit with freaky makeup..and the other staff instantly "liked me"- in a very superficial manner. She was sceptical, at first (god- I LOVE it when people have a mind of their own..^^..).
She eyed me, then decided I was friendly, then finished up my makeup. As I gradually grew in people's perception- the others increasingly found me strange (well..I am not the party girl type..and content IS scary, isn't it..^^..), but our conversation deepened. We had a conversation on Lady Gaga (the pro's and con's..unbelieveably, I was defending her (ways)..), the fact that Austria isn't the best place for music, and she told me the photo studio belonged to her husband. :)
At some point in-between in another room, as I was waiting for the shooting to start, and in the hallway, she told me her father had apologized to her and her brother for having "educated and made them be too good for this world". She meant: if you are good and have values, you'll get exploited and very often mis-treated big time. Partly True. I wont elaborate on that further, but it saddened me to hear that.
The second thing that happened, was..now I am used to people telling me pretty much all of their secrets. Why? I am real. I am interested in people. They feel instinctively that I won't judge them. At least not in the usual ways. All of a sudden she came up to me and said, in the hallway.."you know that this planet bores me relentless? It is just such a void place..and I have Hepatitis C and my liver is half-eaten by now, so I am just waiting on death, basically."- which made me feel like wanting to throw up.
She had been 14, and got caught in a car accident. She still has a scar on her upper lip from that, possibly more. They had given her blood transfusions, one or more of which had been infected. They found out many years later, when she was pregnant with her second child (the first child din't catch it- neither did her second one). I can understand, though not relate, to her feelings and thoughts.
Later on she told me: "you know, I have this homepage that I've wanted to do crazy makeups for..but I make up 20 people a day and noone ever has any interesting makeup exspectations..if you ever need something, give me a call. I can do stuff/photos for you for free in exchange for showing them on my page." :)
I wrote her an sms the next day, with some (potent) healer's adresses that might be able to tackle even an extreme case, health-wise. And, stating that from what I felt, she is a very gifted person. She definitely felt way above average intelligence-wise, also had some strong spiritual trait to her personality, extremely strong morals, high creativity..well. I wished I could do more. But maybe- and she is (basic) telepathic as well..as I can feel her in my head..that is good enough for a start. Even if we won't collaborate (I will have everything I need soon anyways..so one way or the other I don't care..), these special moments when people are sort of bursting in front of you..usually mark a change of something. Of attitude, of thought. I cannot blame her for feeling lifeless, and void, in her state, in the state we are ALL in, somehow. We could be gods..we could be everything and all. We are fast BEHIND our development.
And I hope, whatever happens, she will find and attract cool people to hang out with and to do crazy stuff for. :) And something that makes her happy. Some serious physical healing as well.
